it's not easy

decision? it's not easy to decide which is which..and it may end up with wrong decision making. but then, bukan senang2 boleh patah balik and change back what you have done..sometime you may regret..sometime kita bersyukur..apa2 pun, kita kena lalui apa saja yang telah kita pilih. if we did it wrongly, nothing much we can do, cuba perbaiki kesilapan and life must go on..

i went thru' difficult situation that made me think on the above..this is so called life! tak semestinya apa yang kita nak kita dapat, itu saja yang boleh memujuk hati..ini semua ketentuan Ilahi..belajar menerima sesuatu seadanya..bersyukur!

kenapa dan mengapa

banyak betul persoalan hati nie..
kenapa dan mengapa...sama je sebenarnya..

when i attend a meeting this morning..2nd boss said, me and my team just as a mediator..to ease the process and ensure selari dengan guidelines sepatutnya..is that only our value? is that how they seeing us selama nie??? then apa guna we all keje bagai nak mati and rupanya no body appreciate it...a mediator only??sedihnye la..gerhana la sekejap..

even ku tersenyum mendengar kata2 2nd boss, but hati syahdu gila..sedih bagai..ape la diorang nie..abistu team yang dia agung2 kan tu besar sangat la sumbangannnya??just because hasil kejediorang di hantar ke ketua kampung..and keje aku dan anak buah tak sampai kat ketua kampung, so tak de ke mana la ye..

tak pe la..kalu kat sini org tak hargai..mungkin kat tempat lain org tau menilai..tak semestinya apa 2nd boss pikir tu betul..dia pun bukan paham sangat..dia pun manusia jugak..tak perfect..maybe dia expert dlm area dia..but not in my area..same goes to me..and anybody pun..
anyhow..ku sedih sbb 2nd boss pun cam anggap amanah yang aku dan team pikul hanya sekelumit cuma..

what to do...i just leave because of 'friends'..if not, dah lama aku cabut..

journey

what a journey...long winding road..
well, life is not easy..banyak suka duka..pahit getir
sometime aku pelik dengan manusia yang segelintir itu, nawaitu diorang buat sst keje tu apa sebenarnya..adakah kerana mengejar imbuhan di hujung bulan atauuu..kerana amanah??

tanpa mengetahui erti keikhlasan, manusia segelintir itu mula jauh terpesong..mula mengheret diri keseribu satu masalah..untuk apa? demi memenuhi kehendak diri, demi memenuhi nafsu yang suka barang free???hmmm..yang jadi mangsa, yang jadi bahan cerca..aku dan kelompok kecil itu..hanya kerana mengikut buku (katanya)..salah ke aku dan kelompok itu, menjunjung amanah selagi termampu...??

kadang2 ku terpikir sendiri..knp begitu..?? jawabnya..kerana nawaitu..
Ya-Allah, Kau kuatkan lah imanku..

long journey..

lama tak menulis..hmm..where should I begin...?? start thinking and every time my brain start to search for something..always the first word appeared in my mind--WHY--

Why Allah choose me to go through all the ujian?? few months passed already..and what i learn just a journey with sorrow, regret and all the bad feeling like dancing in my mind...knowing true colors of people around you..facing failure of things which you want so much and how you wish it to be true, the one that you have put all the effort, went through everything even its hurt, then the 'news' was like thunder to you heart..and yet facing spontaneous reaction from your close one which hurt you a lot!! ..Allahuakbar!!! Kau berikanlah kekuatan dan ketenangan hati pada hamba-Mu ini..

to regret all the decisions i've made? NO!!! Ini ketentuan Ilahi..Than my brain start to analyze the answer..Allah tak akan uji hamba-Nya kalau hamba-Nya tak mampu menghadapi dugaan.. time for me to think further..if i regret, what can i do? i cannot reverse back the time..berusaha untuk memperbaiki keadaan..how? be a better person..

drama..

i feel to write today..after so long 'break'...yea right..if it can be called 'break' huh..

manusia..human..berlakon atas pentas dunia..so tired with all those things
i wish i can have a balance life..some time with friends and families, some time for myself
one of my friend did said that " as long as u r working with this company..u just can only dream of that.."
yeah..it's true..

i just left the office for one week attending official matters..but unfortunately I'm back with diarrhea..a very bad one..then another week lembik..baring jer termampu..kena masuk air lagi..than balik..keje bagai nak gila..
menimbun keje....waaaa....susah kalu gini..I was soooooo frustrated!!!so up sad with....

tension2......

quiet..

well..too quiet today at the office..most of then went to Miri for an event..
me, just do my work as usual but still tak sepenuh hati..
why? what happen to me?? so dull..so sad..so flat..blank..

i'm tired..lost my momentum.. not in my mood..so cont. later..

arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

been advised by a friend to do so..he said it's a therapy as well..
well..no harm if I try..

Recently my life just keje..keje...keje and all about keje!!!!
macam nak jerit satu dunia"tolong selamatkan aku dari dunia nie!!!!!"
stress yang teramat sangat!

my day start at 6 every day, open my eyes and like 'pop' my mind trus jump thinking 'bout my work..can't avoid it.. seriously!! then after solat..still diriku gundah gulana coz' too many backlog on my table...rush to the office dengan satu matlamat..to finish up semua benda..but then.. kringggg..meeting here..kringggg meeting there..
arghhhhhhhhhh...bila aku nak keje???? bila aku nak rest?? bila itu..bila ini....
keje makin ari makin bertambah.. don't they realize on overloaded meeting schedule in their emails???? and is it necessary to initiate meetings so frequent...with all the remeh2 matters????

helllo...unnecessary meeting is just an excuse for not doing work!!!!